Three piece suit
by ViciousVillaniousVictorian
Summary: Aphrodite is ugly and is hunting down a witch. The witch goes in hiding and gets caught by a troll. The troll flirts with the beauty who is dating a beast. And somehow, a singer gets caught up in this tangled mess. Rating will change to T later on.


When I was a little boy, I had been told by a stranger to wait for love and when it came to me, to not let it pass.

Weird thing to be told by someone you just met isn't it? I mean, dude, I just met you! And you're already giving me bloody love advice? I don't even know your ducking name!

It must also be said that the stranger was blind. Seriously, Mr. Creepy McCreepy, do you not have eyes? Did you ever see who I was?

I was a little boy. And if there is one thing you can be certain about little boys is that they absolutely HATE love. They also especially hate girls! The very idea of being in love with a girl was just gross!

They have cooties for God's sake! Why would you even want to be with something that is infected with dangerous cooties?!

It makes no sense!

I, like many sane males my age, cringed at the very idea! The very nerve of that bloody creep! He made me drop my ice cream! My delicious, beautiful strawberry ice cream. Now why can't we fall in love with ice cream! Ice cream doesn't have cooties! Nor are they annoying!

It seemed so stupid. No, wait- it is stupid. Love was stupid! Why would you even want to be in love? Love meant you have to hug, cuddle and- be prepared. This is the worst of them- KISS! Why the heck would you want to kiss a girl?

And no. Despite what you all might think- I am not being biased. My resentment for a girl killing me by giving me one single kiss on the cheek is not affecting this case. Not at all. Absolutely not. How could you possibly even think that?

I just loved being dead.

...Stupid girls.

The strange thing was, most boys- no wait, that seems like a bit if not a huge understatement- _every boy_ \- my age, including my dimwitted moronic brothers to the idea of falling in love and by middle school sending the very much accursed love letters.

Every boy except me.

It's not that I hated the general female population any more because by then I had grown out of the phase and had grown accustomed to their presence in the world. However 'love' as they call it is not something I will tolerate.

Seriously? Love letters?

Back then, I was still not open to the concept of love. Even though love followed me everywhere. And mocked me.

Then the people in my school started to date. Imagine the horror I had to endure. Love left his mark everywhere. And believe me when I say this, I did not love Love. In fact I hated him with a fiery passion like you wouldn't believe.

Alright, alright I'll shut my trap and forget a boy love for a moment. I despised the world of dating. A world where it was all sunshine and rainbows, where flowers bloomed and butterflies danced. Why in the name of God would you want to date. Why the he'll would you ever want to hold hands with someone and smile as if life is so happy? As if there is no sorrow existing and we can all live in peace and harmony?

'Cause life is the exact opposite. And love makes one blind.

What truly riled me up was that even my two brothers- albeit moronic brothers but my brothers nonetheless - started dating. They forgot me their awesome older brother and the fact that they had to follow my orders.

I know I can be annoying, bossy and cruel sometimes ...but trust me, it was all because I cared for them! And I knew for one thing that dating was not something that I wanted to get involved in. Life was hard enough as it is.

But no...They thought their older brother- who is a whole lot smarter than them - is wrong . And they had the very audacity to say that to my face.

I lost my two brothers to a bunch of giggling evil girls...

And don't even get me started on Valentine's Day. Every single year, the kids at my school were professing their tender inner feelings to their crush. Every single year, the school will be filled with pink and red balloons- ironic how my most despised colour and my favourite seem to match perfectly...ironic indeed. Every single year , I would be the loner without a box of chocolates. Or well technically, I would be the one with the most but two update have none for myself. Because every single year, my brothers would wave them in front of my just to piss me off and eat them - because they are future diabetic idiots.

Now you must be wondering why? Why did I despise it all? Why did I hate every single damp thing that symbolised love?

The truth is...I don't know. I don't know the answer to that myself. All I knew was that I hated it. And I had a weird as manta lit.

Although as I grew older curiosity overcame. I began to wonder...

What is love?

It is a question that had constantly been pestering me about and I had constantly pestered others about. Of course each response I received was different.

And voilà confusion!

I hated it. I hated not knowing something.

I wanted to know what love was!

Of course...I should have know it come back to bite me in the ass.


End file.
